Still Breathing
by bethanybabes
Summary: Finn's Point Of View - surrounding unseen moments of Series 2, and a made up ending of how it could have ended... Listen to "Still Breathing" - Mayday Parade either before/during/after reading this! It motivated me to write it.


His eyes followed her as she walked off with Chloe and her new mates. What was happening to the gang? He could see that it was slowly falling apart. And it was his entire fault, if only he had fought harder for Rae. He shook his head, and focussed his attention back on the gorgeous Olivia. What on earth was this _woman_ doing with a kid like him?

But even though he tried to concentrate his thoughts back on Olivia, his heart was beating faster. He knew that quickening pace in his blood, was due to the fact that he was in the same vicinity as Rae – he never ever felt it with anybody else. Especially not Olivia.

All of a sudden, he felt candy floss pushed in his face, and he laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, wishing it was Rae.

* * *

He walked out of Olivia's house; he couldn't quite believe that she owned a bloody house – he didn't even have an overdraft for crying out loud! He walked away from her house, down the drive – a bloody drive! It was a proper posh house.

"Oh Finn!" He heard her yell his name, and he spun round to see her dangling his underpants off her index finger, whilst lingering out of her door. He flushed a bright shade of red, and hurried back to the door, worried that the neighbours would see. Although he should be proud that he managed to bed this gorgeous _woman_, but he didn't feel proud. He felt low, and while they were _fucking_ he just felt nothing. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Numb.

"Thanks." He coughed, snatching the underwear away from her finger, and stuff them into his pocket. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten to put them on as he had hurried out of the house, claiming that he had a college thing.

"No problem Finley." She said, and his stomach lurched – that was what Rae called him, _his girl._His mind flashed back to when he had introduced Olivia to the gang at the pub – He remembered Rae's face as he referred to Olivia as "girl". Guilt flooded his entire being, and he knew he had hurt her. He didn't know why he had called her _girl_, he had never called Olivia it, or any other girl. Just Rae. Maybe it was because, whenever he was in Rae's presence, he wanted to call her it over and over and over again. Maybe.

"Err, Olivia." He coughed, and she looked at him with a look of perplexity on her face, she was so easy to read – and he hated that. He liked the challenge that Rae presented him with. Right now, Olivia's face told him that she saw him simply as her toyboy – that she could brag about her to friends – her _adult_ friends. He hated that, he had only felt like someone was with him for him when he was with Rae. No pretending – no bullshit, or so he had thought. "I don't think this is working – it was nice while it lasted, but me heart just ain't in it. I'm sorry though."

There was an awkward silence between the two of them, and he took a couple of steps away from her, turning his back on her, biting his lip about how he had just ended it. In a similar way to how Rae had ended it with him.

"It's Rae isn't it?" Olivia said, and he spun round to look at her. "You never did get over her – go and get her Finn. I knew that was where you heart was all along."

He narrowed his eyes in puzzlement at her, and smiled slightly.

"Then why did you stick with me?" He asked, and she smiled with a hint of tease on her face. "Well, I got to have some fun. See ya later huge co-" But Finn blocked his ears with his hands as she finished her last sentence, and gave her his trademark cheeky grin. "See ya later Olivia!" He laughed, turning around and changing his slow pace into a steady jog away from her.

* * *

"Your Uncle's looking to hire again." His Dad casually mentioned over dinner, Finn tossed his food around his plate, and looked up at his Dad eagerly.

"Oh yeah? Doin' what?" He asked.

"Scaffolding… not a pretty job, but it'd be good experience if you want to study construction or architecture at Uni or summat." His Dad mentioned, and Finn nodded. "It's only a few weeks till your Christmas holidays anyway – and your Uncle thought if you wanted to get some experience over Christmas, then you'd be very welcome. We'd be spending Christmas day at theirs anyway."

"Yeah, or maybe I could start now." Finn said, his head picking up and watching his Dad's face contort into many different emotions. Someone had once said that Finn and his Dad were very similar – showing all their emotions in their face. His Dad clearly, through his facial expressions, did not like the idea that Finn was presenting him with.

"I don't think that's a good idea Finn – you're going somewhere… you could be a great Architect. Or whatever you want to do – its all within your reach at college, and if you throw it away, then you lose out." His Dad said, and Finn shrugged.

* * *

He walked away from Rae's house, hating what had just been exchanged between the two of them. The dialogue that had felt so restrained, when only two months ago, they had been on that bed in a completely different way. It had felt so good to please her, back then, and now, it had been one of the worst discussions of her life.

He couldn't believe that she hadn't asked him to stay – he needed her to ask him to stay. He shook his head, clearly heart broken and headed over to Archie's.

"Hey mate." He said as Archie opened the door, Archie smiled at him and led him to his bedroom. After filling Archie in on what his conversation with Rae had said, and Archie threw his head into his hands in despair.

"I'm really worried about her Finn." He said, and Finn looked at him questioningly.

"Why?"

"Don't you see it – she's falling apart?" Archie said and Finn stared at him blankly.

"She seems perfectly happy to me." Finn replied and Archie picked it up and screamed into his pillow in frustration.

"You don't see anything Finn – you think you both have this eternal bond that will keep you together forever, and that everything is fine. But it's not – she's hurting so much, and instead of you trying to understand her – you can't _see_ her. You need to watch her body language, her looks when she's with you. She see's everything that you don't – and everything that you don't see, destroys her. You're so clueless in that regards." Archie said, and Finn stared at him, anger furrowing across his brow.

"What if I ask you to stay?" Archie said, and Finn stopped dead in his tracks, and looked back at Archie.

"Don't be soft mate – I'm not gay. I'm fine with you being gay – totally pro it, but it would only be worth it if Rae asked me."

"STOP putting Rae on a pedestal – that's what she hates. She hates you not seeing everything that goes on because you think she's perfect. Don't get me wrong – I love her, and she's amazing. But you miss so much stuff; I know this because of what I did. You never knew." Archie said, and Finn stared at him, daring Archie with his eyes to continue, anger bubbling away under his skin. Archie took a deep sigh and lowered his eyes to the floor as the words left his mouth.

"I said that Rae had a magic fanny – and she heard me."

"What?" Finn asked, outraged.

"You heard me." Archie said, looking back at Finn, not a moment too soon, as his face connected with Finn's fist.

* * *

Finn knew the house was somewhere in Uffington, and he drove around looking for Chloe's new car. He saw almost as soon as he entered the street, it was nearly exactly the same as Archie's. Anger filled his stomach as he thought about Archie, his best mate and yet he had said that.

But, it did make him question what else he missed while they were in a relationship. What he had missed, that he could have at least tried to have fixed. He knew she was delicate, but he loved that about her. She was strong, but delicate. He loved all sides of her.

_Loved_, there was a word he had never said to or about Rae before. He had thought he was too young for such a sensation; however, there was no denying his feelings for her. No denying the fact that he clearly loved her. Otherwise, why would he be here now, coming to rescue her and prove to her, that it was worth it and he was doing it all for her. He had never been this scared, but his moment was finally here.

_Time's racing (Please slow down)  
I got to find my way out.  
I'm hopeless (But hoping)  
My lungs won't fail me now.  
'Cause I'm still breathing._

He explored the house, he could see heroin needles lying about the place, and cocaine trails left all over every available surface. It made him sick to think that Rae was here, what on earth was she doing here. The odd pill at a rave was different – she had the gang to look after her, but here she was basically alone. While Chloe was amazing, she was no good at looking after Rae. Unlike how good Rae was at looking after Chloe.

"Rae." He shouted, and all he heard was the thudding music behind him, he pushed past the couple making out at the bottom of the stairs, and headed upstairs. He searched the empty rooms and sat down on the bed. He looked around, how on earth was he supposed to find her? What if she was in one of the closed rooms, with _him_, that disgusting creature? He wasn't sure that he would be able to handle seeing them too together, and it made him scared to explore the taken rooms.

But then he heard her, he heard her talking to Chloe, clearly scared out of her wits; he could hear the tears on her voice. He could hear her saying stuff about_ Saul_ and he ran out.

"Rae." He shouted, and Rae walked out of the bedroom and looked at him.

"Finn" She whispered, fresh tears falling down her face.

He ran up to her and wrapped his arms around her protectively.

"Ssh, shh, It's ok!" He soothed, playing with her hair. Her sobs filled his chest and she broke down in his arms.

* * *

She looked up at him, and he could see part of her strength return to her.

"Once upon a time, in a disabled toilet far, far away, you asked me what I liked about you." He started, and she looked up at him. And he smiled at her. "I should have said this; because you're strong." He saw her face change from a fragile person into strength that he had never seen from her before. She shut her eyes, and he wondered what she was thinking. But then he took her in, all of her beauty he took the time to appreciate. Her long black eyelashes spread out across her skin as she had her eyes closed, her long black hair. Her perfect lips; he adored kissing them, he ached to kiss them, he missed kissing them. Her eyes opened, and she pushed her body away from his, and headed back into the bedroom.

"Chloe, we're going." She said firmly. Finn could hear Chloe moaning about not wanting to come, but he stayed outside; this was between Rae and Chloe.

"Look, fatty – leave. You're not wanted here. No wonder Saul wanted you though; he has a thing for fatties. And he's always wanted to sleep with one. Shame you're frigid. Weren't that why you broke up with Fred or whatever his name was – Chloe told me, you couldn't get your clothes off in front of him? Well, no wonder with a body like that." Ian said, and Finn had enough. The previous conversation may have been between Chloe and Rae, but now it was between Ian and Finn. He walked in.

"What the fuck man?" He said, pushing his way past Rae, puffing out his shoulders to enhance his ability to be a man.

Ian jumped out of bed, grabbing his underpants and pulling them on. "Who are you?" He asked Finn and Finn sent his fist into his face; he had been punching far too many people this evening.

"Finn you motherfucker – oh wait is it Fred?" He said, punching Ian again. "How dare you say to my girl that she's fat and ugly. She's not – you will never understand. I pity you because you sit here in your shitty house, high as kites. You're missing the real beauty in life. So fuck off, because if you ever come near Chloe again, I'll kick the shit out of ya. But most importantly, if you ever EVER say anything to Rae again, I'll fucking murder you." He shouted, and Ian cowered on the floor away from Finn. Finn spat at him and grabbed Chloe.

"We're going." He said forcefully in her face, before turning around, picking up her skirt and throwing it at her. He then looked over to Rae, who was no longer there.

* * *

He left the house, Chloe in tow. He shoved her in the back seat of the car, and locked it from the outside. She was too out of it to move anyway.

"Rae" He shouted around, and a guy came out.  
"You looking for Rae?" He said; instantly Finn recognised him as Saul, and sent another fist into his face; seriously, what was up with all of this pent up anger this evening?  
He grabbed him by the scuff of his collar, and Finn's mind flashed to that time when he grabbed that gobshite by the collar outside of the chippy. Rae's face. Full of hurt, brokenness. He had vowed to never let her look like that again. He had failed her.  
"Where is she?" Finn asked, and Saul pointed back towards the house.  
"T-T-Toilet." He said.

Finn rushed back in, and banged at the locked door he found where he knew the toilet was.  
"Rae, let me in." He begged, and he heard her crying and crying. With all his might, he pushed his entire body weight against the door and managed to break the flimsy lock so that he could push his way in. She was sitting there, knife in her hand. Her wrists was sitting underneath the blade, and he could see her trying to push it into her skin; but something was stopping her.

Her sobs that were wracking her body, made it impossible for her to see what she was doing. Finn felt incredibly aware of the knife, and grabbed at it, snatching it away from her and taking her away from danger.

"Where the fuck did you get this Rae?" He said, and Rae looked up at him. Mouthing the word_Kitchen_. He tossed it in the toilet, hearing it making a loud splash in the bowl.

"Rae, Rae." He whispered, taking her head in his hands, and wiping her tears away. "Please don't do that; I can't cope with the thought of a Rae-less world." He whispered, and she looked up at him.

"Why?" She whispered, and he suddenly understood. He suddenly understood what Archie meant when he said that he didn't _see_ her. He didn't see her because he never fought for her. All the girls he had been with, had never needed fighting for. They saw themselves as his equal; due to this messed up society that they lived in. But Rae lived with a different world view. This world view saw that she was insignificant and not worthy of him. Just because he was seen as good looking. But what she didn't understand was that he didn't understand why she liked him; he was a grumpy sod, who had inferior music knowledge to her, he had crooked teeth and a funny nose. He had massive eyebrows and these were the things that he hated about himself. But while he had been so in awe of her, he had missed the truth behind her. The truth behind her mental illness. The truth behind society, the truth behind them.

"I'll tell you why." He began. "Because you're beautiful, because you're strong, because you're amazing, because you are Rae. You're funny. You're serious. You're delicate. You're superior. I want to spend the rest of my life with you – and not a moment sooner." The last reason came out as barely a whisper, but they were so close to each other, head pressed up against each other, that if he had spoken in a pitch so quiet only dogs could have heard it, she would have still heard him.

That was when he kissed her, and she kissed back.

_Once in a toilet far, far away, the boy fought for his girl, and the boy won his girl._


End file.
